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A mess. It's all a mess.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011 00:21:00
To realise that entire topic & structure of what I was going to blog about tonight has completely disappeared from my mind can only mean one thing, I wasn't meant to write about it. Nonetheless, I have rediscovered an appetite for blogging once again. & I do actually have someone to thank for that.

The past week has been possibly one of the most intense of emotional roller-coasters that I've been on and this is not due to just one person or situation but rather much, a series of unfortunate events really.

But such is the wasted opportunity to type out what I had been feeling,
the moment has left. & so, I have updated my background.

Enjoy.
I'm off to have some 'me-time'; I shall be back.

xxx kim.


Acting assignment?!
Sunday, May 15, 2011 16:02:00
Mum says that I should take this as the biggest acting assignment of my life... I told her this is one experience that the pay check is definitely not worth it.

Being accused as being useless, arrogant, ignorant & someone who uses people (& by her of all people!), I'm left reeling in this roll of vicious words that I want to throw back at her... But I won't. Instead, I swallow that anger & try to take something out of all those cutting words. & I just find myself overwhelmed in sadness & disbelief that this is the very woman who brought me up & taught me a great deal about life. To describe this experience as being 'hurtful' doesn't even begin to express how much turmoil it is truly causing me.

I've heard you all tell me: Just ignore her Kim, it's fine. It doesn't mean anything. But you know what? It does. & it does because I still love her & respect her for all that she is & has become after all these years.

& as far as being an 'acting experience'? I don't remember a time that I have ever used these emotions in any sort of moments... They were far too terrifying & raw for me to even experience it a first time through, let alone to call on it over & over again. It's madness. I've married myself to an insane art, & as much as I love, live & breathe it. It scares me.

If there's one thing this on-going ordeal has thought me & inspired me to do, it is to promise myself that I would never let myself hurt anyone else in that same degrading, damaging fashion.

I will grow from this. I have to...
... I just wish people in the industry would see me as more than just 'the young one' who doesn't know anything. But that's another battle & another story for another day.

Xxx Kim


the only thing we should cry over are the beautiful things...
Wednesday, May 11, 2011 01:05:00


At the end of the day..
00:51:00
Despite the heartache in moments of hurt & self revelation,
it's through those moments of choices & the usage of wrong words,
it is the realization of such things that forces us to grow;
that is the moment that we realise that we need to grow...
as we find out, that everything is really nothing quite like it seems.

That hunger to know more,
to find more,
to feel more...

I'm stuck. Terrified & unable to talk.

I speak in tongues that I myself, are unable to unravel & decipher.
What is to become of such nights,
Where I am unable to articulate to you what I've learnt,
because I believed that you would understand.
That I meant more than just that.

I find myself asking questions that I have no answers to...
I find myself disappointed at myself.
I fear that disappointment. & I start to wonder...
...doesn't anyone else feel that too.
& if so, why do we always feel so alone?

I'm out in this vast space of the internet,
searching for some comfort.
& at the end of the day,
I realise that I will always find salvation in dance.


library blues.
Sunday, March 20, 2011 16:54:00
I do love esplanade library, believe me I do.

What I'm not a big fan of, is having to sit here and try to choke out essays in which I don't feel like writing. Not that I'm lazy (okay, maybe a bit..) but also due to the fact that I don't feel inspired. Not at all. Which is strange, for someone like me, who seems to find amusement and beauty in the most random of situations.

I suppose I would have to pin it down to all the stuff that's been happening at home & in life. Granted there's the good and bad but somehow, the bad seems to have a knack of finding its way into my immediate sub-conscious. Least the good stuff is keeping me remotely sane for now.

Bee is reading another one of his guitar mags, thinking that my constant typing is a result of me being able to think of what to say to NAC. I don't reckon he'll be too happy to read this post on my blog...heh. Sorry, Bee. Rawr, I wish it wasn't so hard to translate what I wanna do into black & white. I really wish I was a more fluent, efficient writer. :( & I wish those mozzies from the Roof Top hadn't found me so yummy. BOO to nasty bites... what a pain.

On a completely irrelevant side note,
I think I need anger management classes. or just to perfect my 'neutral' face.

xxx kim